Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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