Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
