I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
