My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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