This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
