we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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