Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I lost the right to judge tonight
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
