You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
