Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Randomize
