You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
