I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
