I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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