I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
