McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize