my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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