now i know why i became what i already was.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
