Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
