yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
