she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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