pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize