We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
