I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize