I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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