I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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