I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize