someone get that fucking seahorse.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize