pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
