I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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