so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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