you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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