I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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