All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
