Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
