with your own penis?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize