His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
