The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
