You smell like a Billy Joel song
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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