I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sext me about skeletons
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
