I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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