I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize