If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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