I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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