am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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