i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Banned from zoo.
Again?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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