he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
