we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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