there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
