U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize