i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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