Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I died a long time ago.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
