you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
