Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
3pm strippers are depressing
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
