he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
