A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
