well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
