her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They are going to name an STD after you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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