Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
