I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im having a threesome with these popsicles
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
