Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
