I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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