every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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