how can u be prego again
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he puts the penis in happiness.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ladies don't puke and tell
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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