Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
