The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
