Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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