so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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