i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
