Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
