I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
