I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
