you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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