i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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