I didn't shave. On purpose
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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