Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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