Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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