Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
