last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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