We're facebook friends in real life
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize