Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
