Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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